Happy Flag Day! Let's license people to breed!

Flag day. A holiday in honor of Old Glory, the Stars and Stripes, the most recognized symbol of freedom in the entire world. Out of the ashes of a revolution our flag rose, and gave a new nation a symbol for which to fight. The flag represents many things to many people. For myself, I look at the American Flag as a talisman to be held forward, to protect us from those who would wrong us, do us harm and bring evil into our midst. And to ward off those whose evil is already entrenched in our society (sing it with me, you know the words!): the culturally illiterate. You'd think they'd give us this one day. Just stay inside for one day, teach the l'il illiterates some new and exciting bad manner they can take with them into the world. But nooo... there are some bad manners and actions of ignorance one simply cannot teach on the living room floor or at the kitchen table. Some of their foolish bullshit has to be taught outside, among the normals (that's us, friends). And what better place to teach the little shits than (let's all say it together) WalMart!

I'd just left the emergency room (another long story for a different day), and needed to fill a few prescriptions. The nearest spot and the cheapest place to do that is Wally World. In Circleville. Yeah. I'm already feeling poorly and now I have the pleasure of potentially running into a WMS as well. Swell. We parked pretty near the front of the store (it was 10:30am, and the parking lot wasn't very full). I decided the best thing to do was wait in the car while my mother (who'd taken me to the ER) went in and filled the 'scripts for me (the ER visit was for gout, so now I'm on crutches and have this funny little velcro boot I have to wear). She hadn't been gone two minutes when I spotted the first WMS/culturally illiterate.

I'd lit a smoke and was trying to relax my foot when I saw a nice new Mustang pull around the corner. It was a deep blue with a convertible top, nice shiny chrome wheels, very sharp! I always think if you're going to have a car like that you should personalize the license plates, you know? Something cool like "MYSTANG" or "HORSPWR." So I always assume everyone thinks the way I do and look for what this wit has on the plate. Well, it's just a regular old plate, nothing special about it. It's not even one of the new Ohio plates, it's the older red and blue one. Oh, well. The car pulls into the handicapped spot nearest the door, and an elderly woman gets out. Not old, elderly, maybe late fifties (I find the older I get, the farther and farther the term "elderly" gets from me). She doesn't put a handicapped sign on her rearview, and I'd already seen the plates, no handicapped symbol there. As she's walking in I shout "That's a handicapped spot!" She glances around without stopping and proceeds inside. Look, people, I've heard this argument before, and I'm going to say it one more time: old does NOT equal handicapped. It also doesn't equal entitled. Yes, I've been told by elderly people I know personally that they've earned the right to park in the handicapped spots, they've worked all their lives and their bodies don't work as well as they once did. I sympathize. A little. VERY little, actually. I see elderly people all the time park rows and rows from the front door and limp all the way there. Good for them, they're following the rules. I had knee surgeory nine years ago and used my crutches, wouldn't dream of taking a handicapped spot away from someone who needed it. Bottom line is, if you don't have a handicapped plate or sign, you're not supposed to park in the handicapped spots. And yes, if I'd have had a cell phone (I gave my old one to my parents after I got the Magic Jack), I'd have called the people inside to let them know she had parked illegally. I've done it before, and I will again.

Here's a thought: What if a WMS and a lesser (but no more intelligent) culturally illerate decided to breed? Isn't that a frightening scenario? Well, it happens. Of course it does. The odds are too great. And suppose, just suppose, that not only do we have a mutant WMS walking amongst us... but that mutant is from our favorite Roundtown! Okay okay, enough, I'm going to end up scaring myself. But I believe that very thing has happened. And it's breeding more mutants...

A few minutes after anti-handicap left, a woman and her son, who was approximately eleven or twelve, came out with a cart and stopped at the car parked directly in front of me. The boy had a can of silly string and was spraying it on the cart, his mother's car, and the handicapped sign belonging to the space right next to his mother's car (where the cart with their bags in it was sitting). He eyed the van I was sitting in and stepped toward it, but spotted me and turned around. The whole time the silly string was flying, the kid's mother seemed oblivious to everything except putting the groceries into the back seat and getting a can of coke from the carton and drinking it. She then put her son in the passenger seat and proceeded to her side of the car, leaving the cart parked in the middle of the handicapped space. I attempted to get her attention by calling "stupid bitch," but she was paying no attention (or she was ignoring me, more likely). When she got in her car, she left her door open. I saw her bend out the door, and I looked out the window to see what she was doing. She was pouring a can of energy drink out. When it was empty, she set the can on the ground and shut her door. Again I yelled "stupid bitch!" Ignoring me, she pulled out (nearly hitting a couple of teenagers coming up the row on foot) and left. I grabbed my crutches, stepped out of the car, picked up the can and set it in the cart she left behind. I tucked both crutches under my right arm and (sort of) walked the cart to the corral, deposited the can in the trash barrel sitting there, and stepped back to the van. It took me less than a minute and a half, and I was on crutches! I figure it would've taken less than twenty seconds for the dumb bitch who left her shit behind.

There you have it. Two fine examples of cultural illiteracy. You know, people like these don't need me or anyone else to fill them in on how to behave. Most of their issues are lack of common sense, lack of common courtesy, and laziness. And stupidity. And ignorance. And it just goes to show, no matter what day the calendar says it is, and no matter what the season, for these fucking assholes, intelligence is always on vacation.