See Dick. Dick is a penis.

Since it was going to be a long weekend, I decided to hit the library and check-out a few movies (and one book). I got a few I'd seen a dozen times but thought I could watch whilst "internetting" (the one in now is "Dark Knight"... damn, we lost Mr Ledger too soon), and a few for later in the evening when I was relaxing with a beer. This isn't the first time I've borrowed movies from the library, and not the first time for the issues I'm about to speak of; but I wasn't writing a blog then. Now that I have an outlet to post my grievances, that's precisely what I'm going to do.

The movie I "watched" last night was "The Final Destination." (Notice those quotation marks bracketing the word "watched", Roundtowners? What'd we say those meant? That's right! It means that word has significance, very good!) It was one of those movies I felt I had an obligation to watch, since I'd viewed the other three, but not one I was willing to shell out hard-earned cash to see. So, once I was finished posting the poem (it's right there, look down a post), I popped in the flick. It wasn't ten (excruciatingly long) minutes before the first "pause and skip." You know, when a movie inexplicably pauses and then skips ahead and you miss what may have been an important line or plot-point? (Not that there was ANY danger of that in this movie... there'd been no danger of that in any of the other three, why would they start now?) I ejected the disc to clean it, and found this was not the major issue. The disc was so scratched to hell that no amount of winding through my cleaner would've done any good. As I said, experience has taught me that this would be a futile effort (though it apparently hasn't taught me to look at the disc before I put it in the player). Some of these DVDs actually work, even when they're scratched so much they look like the UFO "runways" from Peurta Inca, Peru. What the fuck are these idiots doing with the discs?! Playing frisbee-tag?

DVDs aren't the only items that return desecrated to the library (yes I said desecrated; to those who want to further educate themselves, even through horror movies, these items are sacred). I'd checked-out a Spider Man graphic novel for my son, hoping he'd enjoy the web-slinger as much as I had growing up (he didn't, not really... he's got his video games). Halfway through, there was a two-page layout missing. Someone had used a blade of some kind to remove the pages and likely have them up on their bedroom wall. Those two pages meant four pages of story line, and once that happened, it took my son right out of the story. Damn it. He likes to read, don't get me wrong, but I thought in my heart of hearts that perhaps we could find something the both us might enjoy together (he's a Harry Potter fan, I'm not). I tried others from the Circleville library, but most, and I mean MOST of them had the same problem. I can't say for certain that kids are the ones doing this, but I'd bet a paycheck that teens are responsible for 99% of the missing pages. That means that a lot of the blame falls on the parents of these little assholes. Keep a better eye on your kids, know what they're up to, and this can be prevented a lot of the time. Not all the time, I get that. I do, after all, have a mischievous 17-year-old daughter myself (we parents who don't want to use the word "asshole" when describing our own kids say "mischievous"). But I know she wouldn't destroy a piece of property that wasn't her own!

Look, fuckhead, the library is for everyone, okay? How would you feel if you checked-out a book and found the second chapter missing? Wait, bad example, there's NO WAY you cocksuckers read books. In fact, I'd bet another paycheck your personal library consists of a two-week-old "Star" magazine that's slipped behind the toilet. Better example for the illiterates: you get right to the end of a good movie and the thing pauses and won't start again. It'd suck, right? Of course it would. We need to take care of the things we check out of the library. A lot of them are donated materials that might not be in the library's budget to purchase, and when they're returned in less than good condition, the rest of us lose out. Not that this is going to get through to you. You have that "I don't give a fuck" attitude. You're a fucking asshole who thinks (s)he's the only one in the world and fuck anyone else that happens along.

It gets exasperating trying to educate the illiterates, especially knowing they'll never read what I write. Hopefully some of you normal folks are reading and taking these words to heart. How can our society ever evolve if we allow these people who don't give a shit to have the same freedoms the rest of us earn every day by being responsible citizens? Ain't gonna happen.

In closing, I'm going to attempt to explain things so that the illiterates who mistakingly find this page can understand:

See Dick.
See Dick check a comic book out of the library.
See Dick take it home and flip the pages.
Oh! Dick has found a picture he likes!
See Dick get an x-acto knife to remove the pages.
See Dick get "karma-lized" when he cuts off the tip of his middle finger.
Aww, don't be sad, Dick.
I have a middle finger for you!