Quoth the t-shirt: 'Silence is golden, duct tape is silver'

Yes, friends, it seems even celebrities can be among the culturally illiterate (I actually don't believe this is anything new to anyone, but I needed an opening line, and the coffee hasn't kicked in just yet). This thought occurred to me once again when I picked up the Columbus Dispatch newspaper and read the "Dear Abby" column this morning (yes, I read this rip-off of a more revered- and much wiser- version of the original).

It was one of those columns where she shares reader feedback on some advice she'd previously given to some ne'er-do-well. In this case, an obese woman had wanted to know if it was okay to use the handicapped facilities in a public restroom, even though she's "technically" not handicapped. It seems she's "uncomfortable" in the smaller stalls. Well, "Abby" advised her it was fine as long as someone who was actually handicapped didn't arrive at the same time and needed the stall. The reader response was, to say the least, contrary. And who'd blame them? Obesity has been called a disease, but the cure doesn't cost us any money in research and funding: PUT THE FUCKING FORK DOWN! With the money you'd save if you quit buying Ho-Ho's and Ding Dongs you could buy a fucking treadmill! I'm not "fat-bashing," I'm not a small guy myself, but at least I recognize the problem is mine, and not the fast food companies who sell me their tasty wares. Now that we're all warmed up, I'm going to tell you why I'll no longer watch a movie starring that pit-faced, arrogant little asshole Brad Pitt.

It all started when I happened to catch Headline News at work. Idiot Pitt was coming out- against gay marriage. Look, I'm all for freedom of speech, hopefully you all know that by now, but when you're in the public eye and express your views, you have to expect a few comments. If not criticisms. He's married to a fucking bi-sexual, first of all. A bi-sexual that makes-out with her brother, sick bitch. And he's against gay marriage... hmmm... I can't be the only one who finds this odd, can I? Personally, I believe gay marriage is perfectly alright. Marriage and having babies should not HAVE to go hand-in-hand. So if this is what the bible-thumpers and the gay-bashers are concerned about, quit it. There are plenty of married couples out there who don't have kids. And there are far more married couples that do have kids who shouldn't. No one's going to debate me on that one, are they? Good, because I'm right, and you know it. Anyway, the fact that this asshole gets himself on a national news program condemning gay marriage is not only stupid, but downright ignorant. Unfortunately Tom Cruise's couch-hopping fiasco has affected his career more than this brick Brad Pitt's dropped will probably affect his. Why? Religion (this is a subject I've been trying to figure out how to come to in this blog... and I will, soon). Most religious people are under the false impression that the church and it's ideals are infallible. Not so. Did you know, for instance, that there was a time when the catholic church not only advocated prostitution, but embraced it? I mean, literally EMBRACED it, as in cardinals having sex with prostitutes! But I digress...

There was a second occasion when I saw Pitt-face acting in a way that caused me to deem him a culturally illiterate person. After the HLN bomb, I went hunting for more things Pitt on the only website where I knew, beyond a doubt, I'd find dirt: TMZ. If you're one of those people who think Harvey Levin doesn't deserve to be paid for running around chasing celebs and catching them at their (sometimes) worst, you may be right. His photogs do all the work. But he's a lawyer, dammit, and he's entertaining and I like him, so fuck you. However, if you're one of these people who think celebs should just be left alone, that the paparazzi have no right doing what they're doing, you are (sing it!) a fucking idiot. If you choose the profession, that means you get all the perks that come with it including: being chased by cameras; asked for autographs; and being heavily scrutinized for your actions. In this case, Pitt-face had broken down by the side of the road. The TMZ photogs saw it, pulled over and offered a ride, which Pitt accepted. The photog in the back seat asked him a few questions, to which Pitt answered with complete silence, until he finally spoke up and said "This isn't an interview, guys." Uh, what? So, they get him to his meeting (which he was apparently late for) and he got out. No "thank you," nothing. "Not even a 'thank you?'" asked the photog from the back seat. "You should be thanking me," said Pitt-face and strolled off. Uh, what? I used to like Pitt-face's work. "Interview With The Vampire," the "Ocean's" movies, I really enjoyed them. But it seems he's caught that most unfortunate "disease" a lot of celebrities fall victim to when they become successful: a sense of entitlement, the most undesirable condition a celeb can have because it makes them different. Not that a lot of people don't have an undeserved sense of entitlement (actually, I don't believe in a DESERVED sense of entitlement). But for a celebrity, whose fans want to believe their favorite actors are not all that different from themselves, it can mean the difference between success and a life on the D-list. You can not alienate your fan-base. It's the fastest detour from a life of luxury to a life of humility.

And if most celebrities would learn the latter first, the former may be an easier responsibilty to carry.