Step one: offend EVERYONE

Have you ever seen someone on the street, on the local news, a restaurant or movie theatre or any other public place and thought "How is this person allowed to roam free in society? Why isn't this person in a mental institution? Or jail? Or at the very least under close observation by a mental health professional? Do they actually allow this person to BREED?!" I'll bet you've felt this way a time or two (and if not, you're just not paying attention to your surroundings). Hell, I'm not even through the first paragraph and some (a lot?) of you are probably wondering these things about me! Still, if I can help jog your memory, I will. After all, I'm here to help. Following is a list of people about whom we should be asking these questions. If you disagree, you're probably on the list. Twice. The list is shorter than I could've made it, but I'd like to eventually get to the meat of the blog. And at this point, I'm absolutely certain you'll agree with me on that one!

People We Should Remove From Society

1) Parents who allow their children to run helter skelter in any public place that doesn't specifically encourage that kind of behavior. Contrary to popular belief, shopping malls are not playgrounds.
2) People who talk or text message on their phones in movie theatres. When I'm watching my favorite actress get naked on the big screen, it's distracting to me and the other perverts in attendance when the screen on that phone lights up so you can let your girlfriends know how the date's going. Idiots.
3) Parents who bring children not yet old enough to potty by themselves into a restaurant where the lowest entree costs $25.00. I don't want to be seated anywhere near a crying kid when I'm trying to enjoy meal, drink, and conversation. FYI, most restaurants have take-out. Place your order, take your food and get the fuck out. Simple.
4) People who write checks in the 12 item or less lane. Puh-lease! These are the same people who hold up the drive through at Mickey-D's because they're making three different orders for three different families. FUCKING idiots.
5) NIMBY's, one and all. (Not In My Back Yard) George Carlin first discovered these people in the 70's. These are people who, for one reason or another (usually fear of dropping property values) do not want certain types of establishments built or businesses run in their property zones, ie jails, porn shops, Hooter's, you get the idea. (Note to stay at home or trophy wives: if you want to remain close to your husbands, quit bitching! Eventually, he's going to end up in at least one of these places anyway!)

I could go on and on, but the meat awaits. I'll touch on a few of these further along. Some you may agree with, some not so much. That's your opinion, and you're certainly entitled. Why not blog about it? You can still do that in this country (for now... seize the opportunity when it's still there!). It's called "freedom of speech." Remember that? It's that great big cement foundation on which this country is built. And no matter how cold, cracked, or chipped it's become, it's ours.

Enough foreplay. Let's get naked, shall we?