Let's talk about texts, baby...

Few things are more a mystery to me than someone who drives their car whilst performing tasks better done at home. We've all seen them: the woman putting on her makeup as she speeds down the highway; the gent who decides to read the Wall Street Journal and drink his coffee whilst steering with his knee; I even saw a guy driving down the road and trying to wipe his windshield at the same time! Then along came the cell phone. Bad idea. Then bluetooth, which was supposed to be safer. Huh-uh. And now texting. Who the fuck thought this shit up?

Okay, I understand the world moves a lot faster than it once did, and everyone's in a damn hurry to get to the grave, but I don't understand the blatant disregard for others' safety. People have actually told me there's no difference in listening to the radio and talking on the phone when driving. Huh. Really? Listen, if you're carrying on a conversation with the DJ, you shouldn't be behind the wheel in the first place, let alone chatting on the phone when doing it.

In Columbus yesterday, vehicular homicide charges were filed against Daniel Jacobs, a 56-year old man who, while texting, veered off the road and slammed into another vehicle parked on the shoulder, killing 16-year old Dalton Ludwig, a STUDENT DRIVER who was with his instructor. It's the first case of this type in Franklin County. Jacobs was also charged with vehicular assault due to the injuries suffered by the instructor. The incident happened in November, and it's taken the investigators this long to get warrants for Jacobs's cell phone to determine he was, indeed, texting at the time of the "accident." (Accident's in quotes, Roundtowners...)

Jacobs faces a maximum of five years in prison for the homicide charge.

Yep, that's right. Five fucking years. For killing a kid. He didn't mean to do it, so it's not murder. I disagree. Want to know why? I thought you might...

I suggest that, when you get behind the wheel of a car, a truck, a go-cart, a motorcycle, or anything else that is supposed to be under your control, you're responsible for using said vehicle in a conscientious manner. If you abuse that responsibility, or ignore it altogether, you pay the price. Period. Think of it this way: Texting or doing any other distracting thing behind the wheel is like playing a grotesquely twisted version of Russian Roulette. You load one bullet in the chamber every single time you text, answer the phone, grab another handful of those tasty fries, and you pull the trigger. The thing is, you're pointing the gun at someone else's head! Fuck you, if you die you don't count since you're the one texting or conversing or eating; if you die, one less thing to worry about when my daughter gets out on the road. I don't give a shit about you; it's the innocents who die through no fault of their own I worry about.

Look, I'm not stupid, I know people are going to talk on their phones and drive, no matter how many laws are passed that state you must pull off the road or use a hands-free device. People are also going to text while driving. Put all the laws regarding this behavior in place you'd like, and people will still do this shit. It's the punishments for breaking these laws that need changing. I'm a proponent of the death penalty, and I think it's not used near enough (we'll get to that next time). And I feel that if you cause the death of someone else through your own negligence, you should be charged with murder. Not homicide, not manslaughter (negligent or otherwise), but murder. And if you're caught texting or talking on the phone where there are laws that prohibit these things, the punishment should be severe. If we make a real effort to curb the behavior and punish the offender, people may stop and think before they act. Okay, probably not. Again, I'm not stupid. There are always going to be those who believe they're different, they can talk and drive, text and drive, whatever. And if you're one of them, remember this...

That bullet you're loading is meant for someone else.